I'm Ready... We're Ready

I've been thinking a lot over the past couple of months about where I want to be next year... where do I want my marriage to be? What do I want my family to look like? All my friends seem to be having babies, getting pregnant, talking about trying to get pregnant. Did I want that? I wasn't sure.

I wasn't sure because while it all seemed exciting, I was actually scared of what a pregnancy would mean. It would mean that I would have to become a *mom*. Yeah, technically I knew that but with that I started to think about all that would entail. It would never just be me and Nick... I would have this whole little life completely depending on me for everything... I don't even know what to do with a baby... Would I even be a good mom? It still scared me. All of it.

At the end of last year, a very best friend found out she was pregnant after already being 5 months along. It was a shock to us all and I can't even begin to process her emotions. Just the thought that that could happen had me running out and buying a pregnancy test. The whole time I was taking it I was praying "Don't be positive, Not now, Don't be positive". Sure enough that in itself was my sign. I wasn't ready.

Slowly, though, things began to change. I was no longer worried that it could happen. I believe the turning point happened in June when it was just about our one year anniversary. Nick and I said from the beginning that we wanted to wait at least a year. A year of just being us and being married. When that deadline was approaching it was like all of the sudden it was okay. Then each month I was secretly wishing and praying that it would happen.  I knew I was finally ready when this month I shed a few tears when I found out I wasn't.

That's how I know I am ready. I can't really speak for Nick, but I think he is too (at least he tells me he is! lol)  My husband is truly remarkable. He will be a wonderful father. I know because he has such patience with me and my crazy emotional antics. I can't wait until we start a family and I get to see him hold our baby for the first time. Just thinking about it melts my heart.

So that is where we are. Where Nick and I see ourselves and our family a year from now could possibly move us from a family of 2 to a family of 3. Eeek. That is incredibly exciting. Right now we are just praying and hoping. It will happen when and if it is meant to happen. We're ready.